Smart Answers!
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says: 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends'. 

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A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, ' send me a brother' Santa wrote back, ' SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'.

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What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress. 

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Husband asks: 'Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? Without Information Fighting Every-time Wife replies, ' No, It means, With Idiot For Ever!!!'

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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away. 

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A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, 'Are all these kids yours??' The man replies, 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints'. 
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A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that's confidential.

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      POST TURTLE

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher,who's hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.


The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'.'
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.'
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb ass put him up there.'
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Have you ever heard that a dog "knows" when an earthquake is about to hit?
Have you ever heard that a dog can "sense" when a tornado is stirring up, even 20 miles away?
Do you remember hearing that before the December tsunami struck Southeast Asia, dogs started running frantically away from the seashore, at breakneck speed?

Do you know that dogs can detect cancer and other serious illnesses and danger of fire?
Somehow they always know when they can 'go for a ride' before you even ask and how do those dogs and cats get home from hundreds of miles away?
I'm a firm believer that animals  - and especially dogs - have keen insights into the Truth.
And you can't tell me that dogs can't sense a potentially terrible disaster well in advance.

Simply said, a dog just KNOWS when something isn't right .. . When  impending doom is upon us . . They'll always try to warn us.... !!