Police Quotes:

  1. "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."


    2.
  2. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."


    3.
  3. "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"


    4.
  4. "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"


    5.
  5. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."


    6.
  6. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"


    7.
  7. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."


    8.
  8. "Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."


    9.
  9. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."


    10.
  10. "Just how big were those two beers?


    11.
  11. "In God we trust, all others are suspects."


    12.
  12. Caught for speeding the cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


    13.
  13. Stuck under a bridge. A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


    14.
  14. The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk" The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."